Thursday, 13 February 2014

"Wouldn't it be loverly" - Royal Ballet School Open Classes

Porter This song is set in Covent Garden a tomato's throw from 46 Floral Street.  

Coster That's the Royal Ballet School, in'it?  So.......

Porter The most famous ballet school in the country if not the world

Coster So ..............

Porter Where some of the finest dancers in the world have trained.

Coster So?  'Aven't got all day.

Porter And some of the world's best teachers teach.

Coster S'pose so.

Porter And now it's open to the public.

Coster Cor blimey! Stone the crows!  You mean anyone can take a class there?

Porter That's what it says on the website. New Adult Open Ballet Class: "inspiring recreational classes with piano accompaniment aimed at people with some previous experience of ballet."

Coster  Who's the geezer what's teaching this course?

Porter   Paul Lewis.

Coster Didn't 'e use to dance with Northern Ballet Theatre? Down in M-a-a-a-a-n-chesta?

Porter  Yeah 'cept it's in Leeds and calls itself Northern Ballet nowadays.

Coster   Where's Leeds?

Porter   Dunno. Somewhere near Bradford I've 'eard.  Manchester way. North of Birmingham.

Coster When do these classes run?

Porter  Wednesdays between 12 Feb and 2 April between 19:00 and 18:30.

Coster And 'ow much do they charge? 

Porter  £10 per class.  Less than a round of drinks in the Nag's 'Ead.  And you don't get cirrhosis of the liver. neither.

Coster  Is that some kind of dance move?  A bit like a tour en l'air on steroids.

Porter   Err  not exactly. 

Coster Cor! Wouldn't it be great to do one of them classes.  Always fancied lifting a ballerina.  But I suppose you've got to be Carlos Acosta or Lauren Cuthbertson to get in there. They do say you need "previous experience" after all.   What do you reckon that means?

Porter Dunno, But you can always give 'em a bell on  0207 836 8899 or email 'em on

Coster  Probably not for the likes of us or 'er what's written this dialogue. What's er name?  Terps something or other,

Porter  Probably. But we can still dream can't we.

Coster  Wouldn't it be loverly though.

Porter Loverly!

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